Teach Your Child to Walk Away from Fights

There is a fine line between teaching our children to stand up for themselves and walk away from a fight. Society as a whole is as split about these issue as colonies are split over the Atlantic Ocean. On one side, we have parents who are focused on teaching their children to stand up for themselves. The other side of the spectrum parents want their children to use a more tactful approach and walk away from a fight.

While, it is true we should teach our children to never allow someone to harness fear in them or use words or violence to hurt them, we really should not be teaching them to be violent or encourage violence in their young years. So, how can we teach our children to stand up for themselves, but not make them violent? How do we teach them to not be victims, yet not be bullies? How can we give them the skills and the confidence to walk away from a fight, but not be seen by other children as a “chicken? EThis could ultimately hurt their pride with those children throughout their educational experience.

The majority of in-school fights come from bullies; therefore it is important to be active in your child’s social spectrum to know what is going on in their everyday lives. Talk to your children about some of the children in their school no matter what their ages. You can start out the conversation talking about their day in school, then extend to “what about the other kids are they nice in your school? EBe open with your children and not judgmental in any way.

If you do encounter a bully that is a part of your child’s environment, which most likely you will, then it would be a good idea to talk to your child’s teacher or principle about the problem. Explain that you would like your child to be able to learn in school without being in fear, see what the both of you can come up with for a resolution.

So, what do you do as a parent? Although every parent’s decision will be different on this matter, here are some tips to help you talk to your children and decide which one will be the best route for you and your children to take on this issue.

Preschool
Although preschoolers, if you do not have them in preschool programs, may not directly deal with these issues, you can start early on talks about bullies, fighting in school and walking away from a fight that could physically harm them or another child. These talks should be simple yet straightforward.

Go over the types of situations they may find themselves in when they do start school, “you may encounter mean spirited children or children who like to get into fights. EThe first thing you should instruct your children to do, before a physical confrontation occurs is to talk to their teacher or you about the problem. But inform them not to run to the teacher in front of all the other children, as this will make it a larger issue, but to talk to their teacher in private.

Explain to them if they don’t feel comfortable talking to the teacher alone then you and your child can see your teacher together. Make certain to have your child in on the talks, as this will encourage your children to resolve problems on their own.

Main points to address:

• Talk with your preschoolers about what “could Ehappen in school.
• Offer practical solutions to these problems should they experience them.

Grades K-6th 
Children in this age are still trying to figure out where they fit into in the puzzle of friends, character and standards. It’s no wonder so many children in this age group have a hard time identifying with other children. Yet, much of what was written for the preschool age group can certainly be applied here.

The first thing you should instruct your children to do, before a physical confrontation occurs is to talk to their teacher or you about the problem. But inform them not to run to the teacher in front of all the whole class, as this will make it a larger issue, but to talk to their teacher in private.

Explain to them if they don’t feel comfortable talking to the teacher alone then you and your child can see your teacher together. Make certain to have your child in on the talks, as this will encourage your children to resolve problems on their own. Discuss practical solutions if they find themselves in an altercation with another schoolmate, alone.

Give your children some pointers on attempting to ease the situation. Have them:

• Ask the other child why they feel they need to fight.
• Be open and willing to listen to the other child’s agreement.
• Not be afraid to admit and apologize if they are wrong about something they did to the other student.
• Talk to the other kid about ways they can find a solution.

It takes courage to walk away from a fight; if they see no way to defuse the problem they should then walk away from the person. With this being said, children should protect themselves should a child physically attack them. Whether you want to teach your children to protect himself with tactics that intercept the physical attack or if you want your children to fight back. Either way this will be your decision, but children should never allow physical harm to be forced upon them.

Main points to address:

• Have them talk to you or a teacher about students who are bullying or starting a fight with them, in private and not around other students.
• Go over pointers with your child that can help offer a solution for the fight.
• Talk to them about tactics to protect themselves should another child attack him/her with physical harm.

Resources
Resources that can help you in your venture include:

• Talking with Kids – http://www.talkingwithkids.org
• Bullying – http://www.bullying.co.uk/
• Bullies 2 Buddies – http://www.bullies2buddies.com/
• Kids Health – http://www.kidshealth.org

Posted in Character.

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